6 reasons NOT TO WORRY if you haven’t found your soul mate

Do you believe in soul mates? It’s easy to get caught up in the idea of the ideal “soul mate.” Someone who is absolutely perfect for you in every way, who is wandering around out there, just waiting for that magical moment when the two of you will instantly merge into one and everything from that moment on will be loving, sparkly, and free from any kind of real world distress. You two will immediately recognize each other as “soul mates,” and live happily ever after. Hey, we’ve been brought up on this idea since we were kids and had it jammed down our throats with a million romcoms. But the older we get, the less we might believe in this fairytale. One married woman has written about how she doesn’t believe in “soul mates.” And, hey, that’s okay. Here’s six reasons why it’s fine if you haven’t found your soul mate.

1. It might stop you from finding
someone to love. Depending on what
your idea of a “soul mate” is, you could
actually be missing out on a lot of love.
Maybe he’s the friend you share good
times with but who doesn’t fit your ideal.
Maybe he’s the guy you’ve been dating
forever, but who has — gasp! — some
flaws. It’s time to take your head out of the
storybooks and look around at the real men
in your life.

2. There’s no such thing. The idea that
there is just one person out of the billions
on the planet for you is insane. If you’ve
found someone who is your “soul mate,”
that’s great. But what were the odds that
he happened to come across your path?
Not very good. Your soul mate is what you
make of him.

3. It’s unrealistic. The idea that anyone
can fulfill every single wish, hope, and
dream you have; who can be everything
you want on an emotional, physical, and
mental level — well, that’s just a tad
unrealistic. Better to look for people who
suit you on many levels and whom you can
work with to make the relationship better
and stronger. And whose flaws are at least
forgiveable if not adorable.

4. Your soul mate might be bad for
you. Often when we feel connected to
someone in some deep, mysterious way we
can’t explain it’s because that person is
hitting some very powerful but
subconscious buttons. That could mean
that we feel compelled to act out childhood
traumas with that person. In other words,
our soul mate might not be the healthiest
choice for us. It can be better to be with
someone who makes us feel loved and safe
rather than constantly excited and tingly.

5. Soul mates can keep you trapped. If
you’re convinced someone is your soul
mate and the relationship isn’t good or
healthy, you could be reluctant to move on
because you tell yourself you can’t leave
your “soul mate.” Never mind that your
soulmate has all kinds of difficult issues.

6. Soul mates change. The person you
might have thought of as your soulmate at
16 might be very different from the soul
mate you’d want at 40.
If you feel you’ve found your soul mate and
are happy, then that’s awesome for you.
But it’s not a broad, sweeping
generalization that should be applied to the
romantic world. There’s a saying:
Happiness is wanting what you have. So if
you’re not with your “soul mate” but are
with an awesome guy, then think of him as
your soul mate!

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